Tye's struggles can bring out the best in us

London Free Press (UK) - 2 July 2008

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We tend to romanticize the disabled. In movies and TV shows, their daily difficulties -- and those of their caregivers -- are often down played in favour of some sugar-coated message about overcoming adversity.

John Ryan -- whose eldest son is mentally disabled -- doesn't buy it. Nor does he agree with those who suggest that God sends his "special children" to "special parents."..

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That's an interesting article. I think it sounds like the father is still quite bitter about the whole deal.

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I think it sounds like the father is still quite bitter about the whole deal.

I disagree. I think that he is being honest.

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Nor does he agree with those who suggest that God sends his "special children" to "special parents."..

I too agree with this, I wasnt sent Amarli cause im special, i'd hate it if anyone ever said that to me. I CHOSE to have another baby, who just happens to have some special needs, and that doesnt make me special, it just makes me Amarli's mum

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I too agree with this, I wasnt sent Amarli cause im special, i'd hate it if anyone ever said that to me. I CHOSE to have another baby, who just happens to have some special needs, and that doesnt make me special, it just makes me Amarli's mum

Yes, I think the same.

It wasn't so much that bit, more his comments about not recommending having a DS child cos it's difficult!
Maybe he is getting old and tired!

I think he is being honest too

What Robyn said

I hate the whole God chose you business (no offense to those that do feel this way).

I do think people deal with it differently in the long term and although I do think he is being honest for himself, it may not necessarily be the way others view the same situation (may also be kid dependent too - sometime I wouldn't recommend my typically developing kids either, although I also think the whole having children thing can be a tad overrated ;-))

I don't for example feel like Marielena feels this way (although I could be wrong).

Amarlismum wrote:

I CHOSE to have another baby, who just happens to have some special needs, and that doesnt make me special, it just makes me Amarli's mum

I feel the same way.

Cas

I don't agree with the whole "God sends these children to special people" either, but that's probably because I don't believe in god! It's just a random event that can happen to anyone. Am I glad she was sent to me though? Absolutely.

I don't have any trouble with the man being honest about his struggles with his son - we should all be allowed to be honest about how we feel, and how hard it is sometimes. I am having a particularly hard day today. However, I don't really like reading comments like "I don't recommend having a Down Syndrome child. It's hard". What is he suggesting? That everyone have a termination to rid the world of this particular kind of trouble? I don't think it's a book I will be seeking to read, and I don't think he would be helping our cause to get acceptance for our children, one little bit.

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What is he suggesting? That everyone have a termination to rid the world of this particular kind of trouble? I don't think it's a book I will be seeking to read, and I don't think he would be helping our cause to get acceptance for our children, one little bit

ahhh, that about sums up my thoughts exactly and how his article came across. Thanks Jules, you said so beautifully what I was trying to say!

I don't know how I feel about this article. It is certainly open and honest, however it is also an account from a time when people where institutionalizing our beautiful kids. It is an era that I am not impressed with at all! I think that is disgusting and despicable! It makes me want to be sick just thinking of my little one being put away!!! Thanks goodness times have changed.

We all cope in different ways. I am sad that the negative out ways the good in this article, which John Ryan may not have intended (given he did not write it). The book itself may paint a very different picture. We don't know the context he writes in I guess, so I will withhold judgment just yet. If someone does read it let us know...

His final comment concerns me,

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"It does bring out good things in other people," Ryan says during a phone interview. "But I don't recommend having a Down Syndrome child. It's difficult."

Obviously you can't order a DS kid, but what really bothers me is that it's not recommended because it's difficult. I'm only 28 but I haven't come across much in this life that is worthwhile but not difficult. He sounds tired to me, like he's lost the energy for it. I hope my spark is still there when Tuscan reaches 38.

I think the article started and ended badly but as Jay said, without actually reading the book, it's hard to say what the author is actually saying. It may be that the particular special needs his son has have tired him as a parent. I think the thing that bugs me most is the generalisation of having a child with DS being difficult. Of course it is, just like parenting any child is difficult. I think I would be more happy if he said, "It's been difficult for me as a parent of a child with x, y and z" Keep it personal and speak for yourself!

Cas